The Best of Retro Slice and Dice

My name is Lilith and I’m guest blogging for my gal pal uncoolghoul.  Like uncoolghoul, I happen to enjoy horror more than is deemed mentally healthy. So here goes….

  “What’s your favorite scary movie?” Scream 4 is out at theaters, so let’s take a stab (ha ha!) at some other Slasher movies, where a killer is picking off or killing a group of people one by one and just when you were dying to know who the killer is…it’s revealed to be someone we’ve seen at some point in the movie, but never given a thought to. Someone who was shouldn’t even have had the ability to pull this off; like Mrs. Voorhees Jason’s mother in Friday the 13th which was inspired by Halloween, another slasher that I’m sure we’ve all seen. Scream probably one of my favorites because it’s so self referential and knows it’s making fun of its predecessors and itself at the same time.

When Drew Barrymore said “My boyfriend’s gonna kick your ass!”With that lisp she’s had since ET, I totally bought it and thought, ‘she’s going to be all right because they won’t kill off a well known star in the fist few minutes of the movie’. But when she was chased down and gutted upwith no regret, I was stunned and was like whaaaat?!!! Yea I had never heard of Psycho when I was thirteen so killing off a well known movie star to frighten us with the unexpected was original to me. Scream’s franchise brought this genre back from the dead and killed it at the same time how could you take another Slasher seriously again after going over the rules, and de-mystifying the genre?  Probably not, especially after Scary Movie decided to take it a step further by poking fun at horror movies in general.  Scream’s original title was Scary Movie. True story, tell your friends.

While all of the above mentioned movies have their moments, nothing gets me like theoriginal A Nightmare on Elm Street movie. I can’t watch it alone, at night or right before I go to sleep so, job well done Wes Craven for giving me all those nightmares and creating, in my opinion, the perfect Slasher movie. This was before Freddy had all those punch lines in the sequels and even his killing weapon was the ultimate slasher weapon specifically made to scare children before he kills them. This movie gave my sister plenty of ammo if she wanted me to behave all she had to do was start singing “1-2 Freddy’s coming for you….. 3-4 better lock your doors”. Ah…good times! Haven’t seen the remake yet; however, the new Freddy is the guy that brought Johnny Depp to his audition for the first Nightmare on Elm Street and it was Depp who was recognized and cast in the movie instead of Jackie Earle Haley. Who? Yea, doesn’t have the same ring as Johnny Depp.

1.  Black Christmas is a pretty good one done by the same director who did A Christmas Story; a sorority is having a X-Mas party then a moaner calls them saying he’s going to kill them kinda like When a Stranger Calls. Guess the Director had a love/hate thing for this Holiday.

 2.  Satan’s Little Helper is a creep fest that has a little boy who’s dressed up as the namesake of his favorite game and he’s helping this mysterious masked Satan kill victims around town without realizing it.
3.  Happy Birthday to Me, A member of a popular clique called the top 10 is celebrating her birthday while someone is killing her friends off one by one. This is why she’s singing her Birthday song alone when the credits roll the song that follows reminds you you’re alone in the dark.
4.  My Bloody Valentine–I love this title. Someone trapped in a mining shaft had to live off the remains of his fellow miners was driven crazy and ate the heart of the foreman responsible for the mishap as warning to the town he would repeat his actions if another Valentines Day dance happened again. They can’t say he didn’t warn them.
5.  I Know What You Did Last Summer– You don’t need to read the book to see this movie.  At times it can be pretty hilarious to see Jennifer Love Hewitt scared. However, it had the great blend of up and coming teen actors for it’s time. The best parts come from the mystery, suspense, and the question. Remember what you did last summer? Because I totally do… just wanted to jot this down and remind you in case you forgot that you unsuccessfully ran over a killer and tried to dump his body in the ocean. Thanks for the note.
6.  Hatchet is a spirit of a deformed Louisiana backwoods guy whose house burned down in the bayou. At one point he grabs the lady’s head by the jaw and the top part of her mouth and yanks it in opposite directions ripping the top part of her head off and leaving the tongue wagging in her throat. Don’t eat before seeing that part. I wonder if….If Hatchet and Machete could procreate that would be the ugliest Hispanic backwoods mutant seeking revenge and idiot tourists with a….wait for it…… Hachete!

Also totally off subject, but of interest, check out YouTube for the trailers of these movies coming out this year: Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, The Troll Hunter; I’m not Jesus Mommy, and Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.  Now I gotta see some cartoons to get these movies out of my head cuz it’s getting dark now. Enjoy!

—-Well, alright.  Lilith’s first topic as my guest blog is pretty awesome.  Thanks for the reviews.  Yes, I totally agree that the genius of Scream is that it’s totally so close to being Meta.  I have got to watch Satan’s Little Helper…sounds great.  And Happy Birthday to Me…I’ve never heard of that one before. It’s not often someone can claim they’ve seen horror before me…..challenge accepted.  Can’t wait to rent them.—uncoolghoul.

2 thoughts on “The Best of Retro Slice and Dice

  1. Remember what you did last summer? Because I totally do… just wanted to jot this down and remind you in case you forgot that you unsuccessfully ran over a killer and tried to dump his body in the ocean. Thanks for the note.

    Lilith! You’re awesome!…Lol, & “Hachete” is my new favorite hybrid word.
    All the taglines on these movies are hilarious, especially Happy Birthday to Me. I want to see it for sure now.

  2. Pingback: Sharpening the Blade: A Return to Horror in Scream 4 « BookRain

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s